The non-pirate

I wasn't a pirate in the church family service today.

The other kids from Midgets were.

But I decided fairly early on in the piece that I wouldn't be one of them.

We arrived early for the rehearsal.

Mum tried to get me to put on my patch and hold my pirate sword.

I rejected the patch but hung onto the sword.

Then she put me on the stage and put my hand in Claire's.

But she hadn't backed away a full metre before my bottom lip dropped.

By the time she was back in her seat, I was wailing.

I thrust out my sword in Mum's direction and called out for her to get me.

So that was the beginning and the end of my first theatrical experience.

But, you'll be pleased to know, I spent a happy hour of so playing pirates with my friends after the service finished.

But I need it!

Mum and I were doing battle over a highlighter that I just had to have.

"I need it!" I whined.

"But why do you need it?" Mum asked.

"I need to draw wif it" I continued to whine.

"Draw on what?" Mum asked.

"I need to draw on the floor!"

Wrong answer.

I folded my arms and sulked.

"I berry angry and cross wif you, Mummy"

Nude Dude

I've decided to embrace nudity.

Dad says I've picked the wrong season for it.

But I don't care.

I just like to get nude.

Then, when I am nude, I dance around the house and sing, "I'm a nude dude!"

Mum finds it ironic that when I want to be nude, I can strip myself off in a flash...

...but I still insist on a grown-up providing clothing-removal-assistance when it's time to go to the toilet.

How to amuse oneself at the shops

Mum and I hit the shops today.

First, we bought me a new bunk bed!

I've decided that I'll sleep on the top bed and the new baby will sleep on the bottom bed.

Mum says no. Apparently, I have to sleep on the bottom bed for a few years first. And the new baby won't get to sleep in it at all for a while.

Then we went to a few more shops at the shopping centre.

Mum doesn't seem to have much patience with me at the shops these days.

It could have to do with some of the tricks I've come up with to amuse myself.

Today I sat in my stroller and repeatedly made loud fart* noises with my mouth.

Then I would shout, "WHAT'S THAT NOISE?"

I thought it was pretty funny. Lots of people turned to look at me.

But Mum didn't think it was very funny.

She'll be doing some grocery shopping this afternoon.

And I'll be staying home with Dad.

*Is that still a naughty word? We're sorry for using it if you think so. But what other word is there?

Me & my peeps

Mum: "Ok Noah, let's grab your bike and go to the park for a ride."

Me: "Yes, and Gabe will come and help me..."

Mum: "Sorry, but Gabe can't come because he's at school."

Me: "Aanika?"

Mum: "Nope. She's at school too."

Me: "Will any of my kids be there?"

They weren't. But we still had a great time.

After the first bike trek a week or so ago, mum got me a helmet. I thought it was so cool that I contunued to wear it at the park, on the swings!

Look at moi

I was quite excited coming home from kindy in the car today. So excited that I had to tell mum how excited I was;

"Mummy, mummy, mummy...Look at me and talk!"

A bedtime prayer

This was my prayer last night;

"Dear God Thank you for Mum and Dad and Noah and our baby. And the master and the Dane...and the little boy who lives down the lane. Amen."

No worries

I have a new thing I like to say.

It's 'no worries'.

I like to engineer conversations in which I can say 'no worries'.

Me: "Say 'thank you Noah'"

Mum: "Thank you Noah"

Me: "No worries!"

Gift inspiration

Mum told me today that Dad's birthday is coming up.

She said we should start thinking about what to get him for a present.

"What would you like to get Dad?" she asked me.

"Stormtroopers" I replied, without hesitation.

"Lots and lots of stormtroopers!"

It's a good thing Dad and I like the same things.

The Yoda Lego Poo Challenge

It's been a while since I've done a poo in the loo.

No one quite knows why.

I used to do poos in the loo.

Now I do my poos in my nighttime nappy.

And Mum and Dad are getting a bit tired of nocturnal nappy changes.

They'd like to do away with nighttime nappies altogether.

But not while poos in undies present a clear and present danger.

So this morning Dad set me a challenge.

If I can do three poos in the loo, he will give me some Yoda Star Wars Lego.

The challenge has been set.

But so far, I'm sticking with wees.

I didn't mean to!

I have a new line that I use whenever I'm caught doing something I shouldn't.

"I didn't mean to".

I always deliver it with great sincerity and it often follows a heartfelt "sorry Mum'a'Dad"

But Mum'a'Dad* seem to be on to me.

This morning I stood on the vacuum cleaner hose.

Dad told me not to do it again.

But I did. Straight away.

Then Dad got cross.

"But I didn't mean to, Dad!"

* Mum'a'Dad is the collective term I sometimes use for my parents. It's particularly useful when issuing apologies. "Shorry, Mum'a'Dad", I'll say. Just to cover all the bases.

I missed you

I like to tell people I missed them.

After Kindy, I always tell Mum I missed her.

And today, when Uncle Moo and Grandma picked me up from Kindy, I told them I'd missed them too.

I had a good play with Uncle Moo at Grandma and Grandad's house.

He gave me some fun books for my birthday.

Then Mum and Dad came and we all had tea together.

When it was time to go, I hugged everyone and told them "I'll miss you"

And I said it again in the car on the way home.

"I miss Uncle Moo" I said, "I really, really miss him".

I lub Lego

I've never shown the slightest bit of interest in petrol stations before.

And then I got a Lego petrol station for my birthday.

As Mum and I drove into the petrol station after Playgroup today, I got very excited.

"It's just like mine Lego!"

I cried bitterly when Mum didn't let me get out of the car to use the petrol pump.

But I was happy again when she decided to let me out of the car to go and pay for the petrol.

Then when we got home, I opened up a new birthday present.

More Lego!

This time, I got fireman Lego.

"Let's go open it Mummy!"

So we did.

Mum helped me put together the fire truck.

I was happy to follow the instructions right up until the point where the fire hose had to be connected to the ladder on top.

I wanted the Lego fireman to hold it.

"He want to 'peew'* wif it, Mummy", I explained.

*'Peew' is my favourite shooting sound effect. Imagine the electronic sound a lightsabre makes when it's in action. That's the sound of a 'peew'.

More cake for me

It was Kindy day today!

It was exciting because I got to take my Amah G to show her my 'kindy work'.

She was very impressed with all the fun things there were to do.

But I was quick to point out that I do lots of 'hard work' at Kindy.

That's 'cause I don't like Mum and Dad thinking they're the only ones who go to work.

Mum came and picked me up and for the first time, I didn't come running up to her for a 'poopa-up hug'.

I was too busy.

My Kindy ladies told Mum I'd had a wonderful day.

And that the Kindy had made me a dinosaur cake.

And all the kids had sung happy birthday to me as I blew out my candles.

It was a very happy day.

She makes me happy

It was mother's day today, but the attention was still all on me.

Grandma and Grandad came for tea and Amah G and Poppy were still here.

That's four grandparents to play with at once!

After tea, I was getting a bit tired and grizzly.

I was particularly grizzly because Dad told me we'd have to finish building my Lego petrol station tomorrow.

While I sat on Amah G's lap being very cross, Grandma started giving me little pokes with my pirate sword.

And slowly, my frown turned into a smile...

..then a bit of a giggle.

"Ahhh," I said, "She makes me happy".

Happy birthday to me!

It's not actually my birthday today.

But who cares!

Because it's party day!

I woke up very excited.

The grown-ups were excited too...in a cross sort of way...because the gazebo where we'd planned to have my party was already taken.

But it didn't matter, because we got a great spot right near the playground in the park.

Right near the crocodile slide!

I have been terrified of that slide but desperate to ride on it.

And today, I finally worked up the courage!

I think I was just as excited about the crocodile slide as I was about the rest of my party.

We had a game of pass-the-parcel and a fun activity where we decorated bikkies with coloured icing.

The grown-ups all stood around and talked.

Like grown-ups tend to do.

But we kids just played on the playground equipment and had a great time.

My cake was a green figure-eight racing car track with cars on top.

I liked blowing out my candles.

But then I was too busy to eat a piece of my cake!

Even when Grandma tried to pin me down to open a present, I wouldn't stay still.

"I go now", I told her, as I ran back to the crocodile slide, "I very busy".

Wees at the shops

There was no Kindygym for me today.

No, we were too busy getting ready for my party.

We had a quick trip to the shopping centre to get some last minute supplies.

This particular shopping centre has some toilets that I particularly like.

We had half filled our trolley at the supermarket when I announced that it was time to do a wee.

Mum didn't think it was; she had made me go just before we'd left home.

"Are you sure?" she asked me.

"Yes," I said, nodding my head firmly, "Do a wee NOW!"

So we abandoned our trolley, walked all the way to the parents room and set me up on the little kids toilet they have there.

Mum is sure I didn't really need to do a wee.

It's just that I love shopping centre toilets.

Luckily we got back to the supermarket to find our trolley was still where we'd left it.

The trouble with No. 2's

I was explaining my bowel trouble to Mum this afternoon.

Noah: I say 'come on bum, you do a poo now' but no, he not want to do it.

Looks like there'll be some more prune juice in my diet before long.

Naughty boy

There's a boy at my Kindy.

Who's a bit naughty.

Mum says we can't use his real name.

So we'll call him Fred.

I get great delight in telling Mum and Dad all about the naughty things Fred does.

"He throw sand!"

"He push the kids!"

"I say, 'You stop it Fred. You be a naughty boy. I don't like it"

But I have a tendency to blame Fred. Even when we're at home. And Fred is nowhere to be seen.

"Don't jump on the couch" Mum will say.

"Fred do dat", I'll reply. "He a naughty boy"

"Well, you're being naughty when you do it too" Mum will reply.

To which I'll give her my best shocked-and-hurt look, along with some indignant protests.

"I not a naughty boy...

...I a very good boy...

...I do da right thing!" I'll say.

"Fred...he da naughty boy!"

Just kidding, Mum

I had a big run around with my friends at Playgroup today.

It's my favourite thing to do.

On the way home in the car, I gave a big yawn.

"I is a bit tired" I told Mum, just before another big yawn.

"That's good" she replied "Because you're having a sleep as soon as we get home"

Uh-oh

There was a moment of silence, while I considered my next move.

"I not tired anymore!" I sang out, in my chirpiest voice.

"I all fine now!"

Pedal Power

I've had my tricycle since I turned two.

It was my birthday present from Grandma and Grandad.

Now I'm about to turn three.

And I've finally figured out how the pedals work!

I've had a go at pedalling before but wasn't really keen to perfect the skill.

It was much easier to just get a grown-up to push me around with the handle on the back.

But today, Dad showed me again.

And it clicked!

I pedalled up and back the garden path again and again.

Mum and Dad were very proud of me and plan to take me to a park soon where I can pedal up and down bike paths to my heart's content.

Moses

I'm not a fan of the creche at our church.

Mum thinks I find it 'too unstructured'.

Whatever that means.

I just know that if an adult takes me to the creche, they'd better plan on staying for the duration.

But when you turn three at our church you become a 'midget'.

That's more like proper Sunday School.

Since my birthday is only a couple weeks away, Mum decided we'd road test Midgets today.

I sat very close to my friend Claire and kept watch that Mum stuck around too.

The story was about Moses, and how little baby boys got chucked in a river.

Mum didn't think I was taking much in, given that I seemed preoccupied with making sure that she and Claire stuck by me.

But it turns out I was listening.

Later, when Mum took me to the toilet, I started telling her a bit about Moses.

'Dat baby got in da river', I said. 'Wif da wokafiles (crocodiles)'.

'Umm, that's right', said Mum.

'But we not poop our baby in da river, no Mummy, we not do dat' I said firmly.

'No' Mum agreed, 'We won't put our baby in the river'.

Double Doors

Mum and Dad were looking at brochures for garden sheds this afternoon.

I was helping out by hovering about in the background and repeating things they said.

'This one has double doors,' Mum said.

'Double doors, double doors, double doors...' I said, over and over again.

I liked the way it sounded.

So I kept saying it.

After a while, I was asked to stop saying 'double doors'

"Double doors, double doors, double doors..." I kept saying.

So I got sent to my room.

Later, when I'd been released, I had a cuddle with Dad on the couch.

"Sorry Dad," I said.

"I don't say that word 'double doors' ever again".

Apparently 'double doors' isn't something you can say in our house.