Monday 21 May 2007

The incident with the exploding bottom

Imagine it's 3am. Imagine a baby crying his lungs out. Imagine said baby has a sleepy dad who is trying very unsuccessfully to change a nappy quickly and quietly to get back to bed because he's only wearing a pair of boxer shorts. Oh, imagine it's quite cold too. Imagine we're halfway through the procedure (ie baby is nude and cleaned, yet not re-clothed) and decides to let rip. With everything he/she has. Lungs. Bowels. Waterworks. The poo is so impressive that it shoots out at such a force it lands a good 5 cm away from where it originated. Imagine a dad lucky enough to be standing more than 5cm away from ground zero, but in the excitement/horror of the preceding incident missed the clues to a big wee which ended up going everywhere...

Then imagine two minutes into the future, baby cleaned up, daddy laughing, almost had time to hand baby to mum for a feed only to hear rumblings between two little chubby legs. Again. "I worked out nappies cost about 25 cents each" mum says. It's amazing the weird conversations couples have at 3am. Back in the bedroom for the feed. "Bluuuurt".

75 cents in ten minutes.

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